I feel so much better from exercising more.
I wanted to go to the movies today, but I might just stay home in bed and practice violin and study German. If I went to the movies, it would take up the whole of my day, since I'm in bed resting and recovering usually in mornings while I wait to eat breakfast and lunch. I take the bus, a long bus ride.
I have to call my caseworker to help me to move and get more money from the government. I have to apply for Food Stamps.
The lady in charge of the group home said I could afford to live in an apartment off government money.
I am not sure if I need to learn German before I move to Germany. I read you do, but I read that you could study here and never learn German.
... If I see a movie today, that's no practicing violin or learning German. At least, I'd get out. It is Friday. It seems I go to the gym every other day. I'll probably have to go to the clinic soon, too, about some test results, why sometimes I feel like I need to pee when I don't. Maybe, it's a simple matter of bladder control. When I was young, I didn't need to use the restroom much.
I wonder if I'll make it to church Sunday. I really need to make violin, German, and resting a priority. I'm pretty good with the gym.
I wish I could move to Minnesota, but I wonder if I'd miss the mountains and the beach.
I'm being weighed down with everyone freaking out about people from their parents' generation dying. It's like life stopped for us. People here must be bad, freaking out selfishly and forcing these thought cycles on others, like they're staring you down. I made a plan, though, if I get too old for violin or something, I could get a degree in Criminal Justice or if not too old Graphic Art for Disney Imagineering. 35 isn't over the hill in adulthood. I miss being young but am happy to always improve.
Sometimes, I don't feel like living or that I'd prefer to be younger still and that older people weren't dying. Funny, in Orlando they weren't immature about this... It also seems like I would be in a better place today, if I played my cards right.
I was thinking I could have a kid if I don't do violin, especially. I don't know about marriage or sex.. Maybe, I'm not set up for that.
So, yea, feeling great physically and overall, but I can't wait to get out of this group home. It's okay but feels childish and don't like coming down and seeing people for meals. Also, this is a Black area. I still do feel low sometimes, sorta lost, sorta unsure of what to do. I keep having to "cope" and make myself feel better.
I sorta miss Orlando itself, but I feel better going to the gym and all. They make me eat 3 meals a day, too. I just don't like being with other people with real problems etc. I'm not sure what I'll eat if I live on my own. My aunt will be surprised if I live alone. I don't want to work so I can practice violin and learn German. I should get off these pills that make me tired, too.
I think I'm gonna get out of this. I feel better working out and feel some support trapped here. I wonder what I will do with violin and Germany. It seemed like Germany was a great country with great music, but people are indeed getting older, not quite all the way though. I've been hoping to go there, but it feels funny. It would have worked out if I was still in high school. I don't feel so supported anymore like about moving there.