Night?

I'm hoping for a good day tomorrow, might get some sleep.

Dying?

I just don't feel that cool.  Of all people, why should I have stopped music?

I'm getting a part time job while I get licensed to sell insurance, flexible and pays a lot, want to see what the course is like.

I might also make money from applying to acting agencies here in Ohio.  I've already been trained.

Hopelessness

I feel like the world left me to die like this, a miserable life could be up ahead.

Why didn't I learn violin and German before, anyway?  Where am I supposed to be now?

Most people say your family should help, but both my parents died.

So

I'm just really miserable in the group home and living out my nightmare on my own without a college degree.

Hoping

Tired of applying for jobs, waiting to see if I get one I like..  I need to exercise, want to practice violin and learn German, depressed I feel old and others are getting near the end of their life etc.

I have to learn to sell insurance, too, just did the introduction, so far.

Question

When these problems are solved, will life get better for me, too?

Bedtime

I have those errands tomorrow, probably for now will just go to sleep without a shower.  Might wake up and take one, nice to before bed.  I even have laundry to fold.

Feeling Worse Than Before

I just applied to work at 2 stores, maybe as a cashier.  I had to go the store page to do it, not just use Indeed.  I'm tired, it's 8:00 P.M. and I need my rest.  I feel I've lost hope, I think.  I feel like people are picking at me.  I feel a little better now.  I didn't get much encouragement about my insurance job I'm studying for that earns a lot, maybe $130,000/year.  I really wanted to do something like classical music where you need a degree or skill.  I wish I could have done this earlier, like I wanted.  I switched from piano to violin with a gap in between where I sang, hopelessly lost my voice from not talking much for 2-3 years, in my room posting online.  It's not very fun living in a group home, who'd want to?  It's not like I have a whole apartment to myself, too.  This sales job sounds like security if I do succeed.  ...  I am lucky to have my own room here.  I don't like the food a lot.  I feel stressed around people in this area, which is African American.  There's no shower, though I may be able to buy one had I money.  Etc.  The jobs are partially to pay to get licensed to sell.  I may not be able to squeeze it in and do not even get Food Stamps, anymore, because I get meals here.

Remedy

Maybe, I should sleep and rest more before thinking of a job.  I may go out tomorrow, though, for the money at the bank and to return library books.

Work

I wonder if I can find a humble place that needs help, like a grocery store.  Do I need to rest, though?  I feel so bad.  I feel people are just going crazy and nothing I do matters.  Things need to get better.  This isn't some joke or necessary experience, not all of it.

Libraries

I should probably return my books since I'll be busy studying for that course and things, don't want to have to go out later by bus just to return books.  Hopefully, I can do that tomorrow.  They were so encouraging here at the group home to go to the library as part of my life.

Sacrifice

I only get $200/month of spending money from the government.

I wonder if I have to give up getting a bus pass and contacts, to get licensed to sell insurance.

A physical part time job does not seem feasible with my health etc., but we'll see...  I do like to get out.

I won't be able to spend any money.  This looks like an opportunity I need to take now, after applying for all those jobs on Indeed.com.

I am a little wary of the course, but we'll see...  Someone told me how some people don't pass it in my family.  Someone else in my family said 2 people have jobs in sales and I know one she said works very hard and does not make as much money as I'm supposed to get.

I do feel a little dejected.  The ideal would be for me to be supported and go to the gym to lower my A1C and get off some of that medication for diabetes that's making me so tired.

I thought I would get benefits from my dad dying as a disabled veteran with me as a disabled dependent maybe diagnosed before age 18, but someone isn't doing it anymore they said who was doing it before with me.  It might take up to a year, too, to know.  I might get a caseworker to get me more benefits, not sure when.  I see the course gives you up to a month or you pay $40 to extend it.

This job might be a challenge, but I hope it works out.  In the end it may be better than any other option.

I'm still doing violin and German on the side.

So, how will I have the strength to hold a part time job while I study to get a license to sell insurance?  I need time to study, too.  The money from the job partially could be used to get the license.  That just means I can't get a monthly bus pass or contact lenses this month or maybe not even at the beginning of August, a very tight budget.  I may get some money back from RSS, too, up to maybe around $500.  If so that may work out.  I may find out tomorrow.

Recuperating and Routine

So, I just slept and rested today.

Tomorrow:

• bank - to withdraw money for rent and the rest to transfer to another card
• get bus disability bus pass ($48/month)
• library - to pick up books (also have books from another library system)

I guess I'll go after lunch by around 1:30 P.M.  Dinner is supposed to be at 5:30 P.M., but they can leave it for me for later.  I have to go to all these places by bus.

I'm also working on getting licensed to sell insurance.  I may need a job to pay to take the exam and get the license and start practicing, a total of up to $400.  I am taking the course now, which is free.  If all goes as should, I should be able to move to an apartment in August sometime.  I am trying to get another job for now to pay for the licensing process.  The job itself is supposed to be easy and the girl said repetitive, but it sounds interesting and pays well.  I think full time you can make $130,000/year.  That's about $10,000/month.  I just want an apartment, for like $1,300/month and to eat out.  I'm not sure if I will get a car soon.  If this job doesn't work out, I know I got asked for other sales job.  With my health, it's good I can work at home with this one, too, though.  I know some people just work part time on weekends, maybe sell 6 things on Saturday and Sunday each.

I'm still trying to do violin and German.  If I don't do a job like this, I will be stuck poor and miserable in a group home.  They seem very flexible, too, though they did also say I could have agents work under me, as a likely/natural possibility, within a few months, which gets me paid even more, though I don't need it.  I'm still gonna live in a cheap but nice apartment and save my money, maybe a lot of it if I make that much.  We'll see how the free course goes.  I got other sales offers, but this one might be the best.  I wanted to work in an office, but working at home may work out better, especially with my health.  I sure took a beating just for being in this group home.  I feel people are out to get me.  I did tell the lady in charge I was moving out.  I feel very pursued and discouraged.

So, this course, I think it's 2 or 3 chapters a day, and the girl said each chapter is like 20 or so pages long, and there are like 8 minute videos.  It seems to be at your own pace, though, and I can ask questions.  She said it was high school level.  It sure beats flipping burgers-

It's over.

I'm "up in the air" because of the Nazis.

In Shock

I think I need to finally get some rest, if possible.

Where to Go

So, I left Orlando, check, still no good.

I should leave East Cleveland, an all black community, in a group home, for an area of Ohio I liked before.  If it doesn't work out, I may move to Southeastern Florida.